you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
