Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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