You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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