You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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