yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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