I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
