How'd it feel making her break her religion?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
