I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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