I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize