He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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