your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
