took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
