This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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