he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
