so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
