I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
