Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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