If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
