I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
