..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
