I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
please don't ironically join a cult
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