Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
