I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
