turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
