I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
