I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
