Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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