god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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