i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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