you would pick up someone in the library
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
