your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
