I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
