she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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