So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
