how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize