some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
