I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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