Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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