I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
