I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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