just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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