Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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