why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
