Pappa wants mamma naked
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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