Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
