21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
