I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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