I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize