Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
