Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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