i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
