Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
