you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
