Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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