you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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