I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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