Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
