I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
