Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
