i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize