so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have post one night stand depression
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