I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
