we have pet lesbian snakes
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
