O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
