What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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