just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
