is your mom at the bar?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
