About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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