mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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