plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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