omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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