i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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