You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
