At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
