I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize