you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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